A few years ago, I had an experience that shook me and left me with a lasting lesson—a lesson I wish I had learned sooner. It involved a guest who stayed at my home through Airbnb. She had booked the house for nearly a month, and while I’d hoped for a smooth experience, things didn’t go as planned. We didn’t click, and though I took responsibility and tried to course-correct so she could enjoy her stay, the situation only grew more challenging.
When her stay finally ended, I was relieved… until I received a message through Airbnb. She requested a partial refund, claiming various issues with her stay. Airbnb approached me and clarified that they would only accommodate the refund if I agreed. I hesitated. The amount she was asking for wasn’t significant—or so I thought at the time—and I wanted to avoid conflict. Finally, I caved in and agreed to the refund.
The moment Airbnb issued the payment, she turned around and left me my first bad review. I was mortified. I felt betrayed, angry, and disappointed in myself. I realized too late that I’d made a critical mistake: I had prioritized pleasing her without considering how it might impact me or my business. She had demanded something, and I had given it without demanding anything in return. Worse yet, I hadn’t seen the bigger picture—that she held the power to influence my business with her review.
This story still stings when I think about it, but it’s also a powerful lesson I want to share with other women. It’s not just about standing your ground—it’s about learning the art of the deal. It’s about recognizing opportunities in every situation and understanding how to turn them to your advantage. And it’s about asking yourself a critical question in any negotiation: What’s in this for me?
Photo Credits To Gustavo Fring
The Missed Opportunity
Looking back, I realize the most important lesson wasn’t just about standing firm—it was about seeing the full picture. At the time, I didn’t ask myself the critical question: What’s in this for me? The guest had a demand, and I had the opportunity to meet it. But instead of using that moment to negotiate or advocate for myself, I folded.
What could I have done differently? I could have said, “I’m happy to refund this amount, but I’d appreciate it if you left me a positive review based on the efforts I made to accommodate you.” Or, “I’ll process the refund on the condition that you offer constructive feedback privately instead of leaving a public review.” These small actions could have protected my business while still addressing her concerns.
But because I didn’t see the bigger picture, I lost twice: financially and reputationally. The truth is, we often focus so much on pleasing others that we forget to advocate for ourselves. We forget that every interaction is an opportunity to grow, to gain, or to strengthen our position.
The Art of the Deal
The art of the deal isn’t just for business moguls or corporate boardrooms—it’s for all of us, in every situation. It’s about knowing your value, recognizing opportunities, and ensuring that every exchange benefits you as much as it benefits the other party.
Here’s the mindset shift I’ve learned to embrace:
- Always Ask, “What’s in This for Me?”
When someone comes to you with a request, pause and consider what you can gain from the situation. It doesn’t have to be transactional or selfish—it’s about creating a win-win outcome. Ask yourself, “How can this benefit me, my goals, or my business?” - Think Long-Term, Not Just Short-Term
In the moment, it might feel easier to avoid conflict or “just let it go,” especially when the stakes seem small. But small actions can have big consequences. A single review, a missed opportunity to negotiate, or an unchecked demand can ripple through your future. - Understand Your Value
You bring something valuable to the table, whether it’s your time, your expertise, your hospitality, or your resources. Never let someone’s demand overshadow your worth.
Empowering Yourself Through Negotiation
The next time someone approaches you with a request, remember that it’s not just about what they’re asking for—it’s about what you’re willing to give and what you’re asking for in return. This mindset applies to everything:
- If a client asks for a discount, consider what they can offer you—a testimonial, a referral, or a longer commitment.
- If a colleague asks for help, think about how they can support you in return—perhaps by covering for you on another task or project.
- If someone requests a favor, reflect on whether it aligns with your goals and how it might benefit you in the long run.
The art of the deal is about flipping the narrative from What do I lose? to What do I gain? It’s about creating opportunities for yourself at every turn and ensuring that your value is never overlooked.
A Call to Action
As women, we’re often conditioned to be accommodating, to prioritize harmony over our own needs. But it’s time to change that. It’s time to embrace the art of negotiation and advocate for ourselves in every interaction.
The next time someone makes a request of you, pause. Think. Ask yourself: What can this situation do for me? How can I turn it into an opportunity to grow, to benefit, or to protect my value? Don’t let guilt, fear, or societal conditioning stop you from standing your ground and claiming what’s rightfully yours. Before handing over your hard-earned money, think twice about what that amount can transform in your own life.
Because when you learn the art of the deal, you’re not just negotiating—you’re reclaiming your power.
With all my heart,
Salima
Ready to dive deeper into themes like this and transform your life one reflection at a time? Join my journaling membership, The Circle of Reflection, where we explore powerful topics throughout the year. For just $57 a month—For less than $2 a day—you’ll gain clarity, confidence, and a community of like-minded women on a similar journey. Let’s grow together. Click here to join!
