Guilt. For many women, it feels like it’s woven into our DNA. From small acts of generosity to larger sacrifices, we often carry the weight of guilt for wanting to assert ourselves or stand our ground. But what if we learned to control and direct that guilt instead of letting it control us?
Let me share two stories to explain.
The Tea on Lunch Breaks
I used to be the friend who paid for the little things—like a colleague’s cup of tea during lunch. To me, it seemed silly to separate bills for such a small amount. “Don’t worry, I’ve got it,” I’d say, thinking I was being generous. But one day, I noticed something strange: when the roles were reversed, the same people didn’t reciprocate.
Curious and a bit hurt, I brought it up with a close colleague. His response stunned me: “Come on, you have money and no family to support.”
It felt like a slap in the face. My generosity had been taken for granted, reduced to a matter of my financial status rather than my kindness.
Photo Credits Cottonbro
The Change at the Currency Counter
Another time, I was at the mall exchanging local currency for Singapore Dollars before a trip. When the cashier handed me my cash and receipt, I noticed she hadn’t returned the small change—just a few cents.
“Excuse me,” I said, “I’m waiting for my change.”
Her glare through the glass was intense, as if to say, Are you seriously holding up the line for a few cents?
I felt a twinge of embarrassment, but I stood firm. If the situation were reversed, would she have let it slide? Probably not.
The old me would have waved it off, telling myself it wasn’t worth the trouble. But here’s the truth: small amounts matter.
Why the Small Moments Matter
Every time we fail to stand up for ourselves in small moments, we weaken our ability to stand up for ourselves when it truly counts. It’s like building a muscle: every action either strengthens our confidence or chips away at it.
People might try to make you feel bad for asking for what’s rightfully yours. They’ll say it’s just a cent, just a cup of tea, just a little money. But here’s a fact: no amount is insignificant.
The Power of a Few Cents
Let’s put this into perspective. Imagine saving 50 cents a day for two years. That’s $360.00. You could invest it in the stock market, perhaps in a low-cost AI stock at $0.28 per share. That’s 1300 shares. If the stock grows to $2 per share, your investment becomes $2606.00.
With those $360, you could also buy the coffee machine you’ve been dreaming about, book a one-on-one coaching session to boost your business revenue, treat someone to lunch to brainstorm ideas for a project or business venture, or attend a one-day event about investing in cryptocurrency. Beyond investing the $360, there are countless meaningful ways to use that money. Before handing over your hard-earned money, think twice about what that amount can transform in your own life.
It’s not just about the money—it’s about the mindset. Think of your money as a seed. When planted wisely, it can grow into a garden. Or think of it as your most intimate partner. You should know where it comes from, where it’s going, and whether it’s coming back—with “babies.”
Takeaway: There’s No Such Thing as Small Money
Financial empowerment, it’s not just about having a lot of money. It’s about having the knowledge, the skills, the confidence to manage your resources effectively and make choices that align with your values and your goals.
So how do we even begin to shift that mindset? How do we go from feeling awkward about asking for a cue sentence and change to actually feeling confident about advocating for ourselves in bigger financial situations?
It starts with awareness; it’s about paying attention to those moments where you might be undervaluing your own financial contributions. Think about your own experiences, do you consistently pick up the tab for lunch or pay for lunch and never get your money back? Do you lend money to friends or family without a clear repayment plan? Or feel pressured to over-contribute to a group gift or something.
As an example: Ask yourself why do you feel obligated to always pay for your friend’s coffee? Is it genuine generosity or is it fear of judgment? Once you start asking yourself those questions, you can start making more conscious choices.
Once you start asking yourself questions, you can start making more conscious choices. It’s about digging deep into those habits that we’ve created around money and uncovering those deep-seated beliefs that maybe we’ve never even looked at.
As women, we’ve have been conditioned to downplay our financial needs or to feel guilty for asking for what we deserve. There is a subtle message that warns us that talking about money is taboo. Right? But how can we expect to achieve financial well-being if we’re not even comfortable with our own hard earned money? Women also do shame other women for wanting money, I still can remember my eldest sister, telling me how crazy I was about money, just for asking a healthy adult man living in our house free of charge for many years to start finally paying a rent.
It’s about recognizing those patterns and then starting to question the assumptions and beliefs that are driving them.
There is a power in money as little as it is and there is power in those small financial decisions that we make daily. It is not just about the money itself. It is about building those habits, practicing self-advocacy, and cultivating that mindset of financial empowerment.
Every dollar, every cent is a seed that can grow into a garden if planted wisely. Start shifting your perspective from seeing those small amounts as insignificant and seeing them as opportunities, we can really change our relationship with money. Because even those small shifts in our mindset and our habits can have that ripple effect on our overall financial well-being.
I have a challenge for you reading this article. Next time you’re in a situation where you’re kind of tempted to just brush off a small financial matter, take a moment to pause. And ask yourself, am I doing this out of habit or fear or a genuine desire to be generous? You might be surprised by what you uncover. It’s about bringing that awareness to those automatic responses and then making those conscious choices that align with our values and our financial goals
And the next time you feel guilt creeping in, ask yourself: is this helping me grow, or is it holding me back? Learn to stand firm, even in the smallest of moments. Because confidence, like money, is built one small step at a time.
With all my heart,
Salima
Ready to dive deeper into themes like this and transform your life one reflection at a time? Join my journaling membership, The Circle of Reflection, where we explore powerful topics throughout the year. For just $57 a month—For less than $2 a day—you’ll gain clarity, confidence, and a community of like-minded women on a similar journey. Let’s grow together. Click here to join!
